shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
