I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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