wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
