Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
