you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
