just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
