They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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