Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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