i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
