he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
