New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon