remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
