Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.