She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.