get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife