Can Purell be used as lube?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.