Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.