i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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