All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He did a backflip because drugs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
