I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had to cum in my sink.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
