I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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