I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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