Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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