I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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