you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
