Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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