What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
