I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
