sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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