I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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