Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
