dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
