What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
