I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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