I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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