im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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