Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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