I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
