Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
