Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
