you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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