what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
