I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
