Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
