I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my shit smells like andre
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
