that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When are your genitals available?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
