well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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