Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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