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Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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