Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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