Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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