Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
