tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
