if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
