She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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