$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize