i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
