What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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