i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
