we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
