Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
