My liver just broke up with me...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
