Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
